“We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal and then leap in the dark to our success.”
Henry David Thoreau

 

Calling all exercise friends!!!

 

I need your help!!!!! I’d love for you to help me celebrate accomplishing a goal I’ve had since Feb 2007 – a seven year long goal.

 

It has changed and transformed as I have…..haha my goal has grown with me…….

 

2007 – Graduate and achieve my dream of being a teacher ( Since I was 5 I wanted to be a teacher!!!)

 

2009 – Walk across the stage at graduation weighing 68-70kg

 

2011 – Walk across the stage at graduation in the Healthy Weight Range

 

2013 – Walk across the stage at graduation – feeling centred, free and together!

Happier than ever to be representing!

 

We have all taken a before photo with the dream of one day putting that all illusive ‘after shot next to it……..

 

Many of us have accomplished this in the past…only to find the weight find us again…Many of us have pictures that already show magical transformations…HOWEVER WE struggle to see our own changes!

 

Last year after 12wbt finale I attended an Emazon Stand Your Ground Session. I committed to investing in myself – MY MIND for an entire year. This year that is exactly what I have been doing. It has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least!!!!

 

In amongst it all…I AM a TEACHER!! With my own class!!! My year 5 class has taught me more than you can imagine!!! As my goal has always been to be healthy as my own understandings and beliefs of my body changed, my goal contradicted what I truly believed in. I am proud of myself looking at my goal and the transformation it has had!

 

 

I started a weight loss video about a year ago. I decided that I COULD NOT and SHOULD not wait until I got to ‘goal weight’….It has not turned out the way I had once thought….it’s better…REAL and TRUE! It’s no longer about the numbers, looking hot and finally getting to goal weight!

 

I love setting and accomplishing goals!!! I always have! I feel in todays fast past crazy, consumerist competitive life we often keep our eyes set on the future and don’t stop to smell the roses!

 

This event is about that….APPRECIATING and ACKNOLWEDGING what WE have ALREADY achieved…..NOT well I’ve lost 30kg…but still have a lot to go…Not if only I fit into a size 10 not…..ill get back on the wagon on Monday…..

 

This day will be ABOUT the AMAZING things we have ALL achieved….!!!!!!! A Chance to stop, catch up and reflect!!!

 

I will be taking photos and filming the session SO BE prepared to be in my GOAL weight video J J

 

I would love you all to be a part of it! As without my exercise friends I would not be at this very point right now!!!!!

 

When I first started I imagined joining all of my pics together to show you the weight loss…like on many of the diet ads on tv…….I imagined myself with a before and after picture…..I now imagine….

 

Running, doing push ups and playing on the equipment with my AWESOME exercise friends! Enjoying ourselves…being proud OF WHO we ARE regardless of how much we weigh, what our size is or how many cals we eat a day!

 

Whether we use to work out together, haven’t spoken in ages, still workout together – or we haven’t even met in person!  Please come along and help my vision real : )

 

I’d love if all of you to join me on Sunday 4th November 2013 At Trench Reserve, Nepean River 8.30am at the park!

You will need to bring:

 

  • A Smile
  • A mat, drink bottle
  • Wear your workout clothes and comfy shoes!

2013 ~ The year of healing and letting go!

What an amazing year 2013 has been so far! I have really been working hard on my new career as a teacher! It’s been 6months now! I feel like a butterfly struggling to get out of its cocoon! But I know this last little push I need to give will allow me to fly once I’m through! I need to complete my program and my accreditation. Many family and friends have commented how I have vanished over the past 6months!!! I would have to agree, however I needed to spend the time out….WORKING lol…but I am happy to say that I am slowly getting back into life, running and socialising!

I have been working a lot on my mind this year! I have attended several emazon group sessions and a few 1:1….Slowly but surely she has helped me to piece so many puzzle pieces together. During SYG2 meditation my message to myself was to ‘let go’……..A few months when I was having a blood test (HATE needles always faint!) I was trying to meditate to avoid fainting…I then found myself in the same hallway – and I told myself  ‘You have to acknowledge to let go!’.

The state of my scrapbook room – usually reflects my state of mind…or so my husband says….well most of this year…its been a mess to the point where you CANT walk into the room! Slowly bit by bit, I started to clean it up…finding lots of little things along the way!

 

 

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I booked another 1:1 with Emma – this time walking away with the message ‘validate my own authentic path, my path is what works for me and my own formula………By acknowledging things that I had buried so deep down = I was able to well and truly let go of them J

My hubby attended the free Element and Emazon training at Wamberal life saving…….It was so great…and I think at the end of it…he got what I had been doing! He had driven me up to both 1:1 sessions – both I come out crying and he has no idea what to do or say…… We were separated pretty quick when boxing…and I love when the Scotsman told him to bash the shit out of him hahaha and then he actually started too 🙂 AT the end I felt ‘together’ and not just as in together with my hubby…but together with my own emotions! Walking out of that training and having him smiling and holding my hand was an amazing feeling…one I will never forget.

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I took a friend to the free session at Designed to Fit at Seven Hills a few weeks ago. I realised that was me a few years ago, struggling trying desperately to lose weight to fit into a wedding dress I purchased 2 sizes to small……I saw some old exercise friends and we laughed and hugged each other…I met some amazing new ppl….I acknowledge how far I had come.I realised that night the real reason I had stopped running……..

Emazon training

 

 

 

 

 

 

This year I had a goal to run in a half marathon…..I had joined a run clun had a plan and had the no excuses wrist band…now prior to teaching that was me….Smashing my training – NO excuses…..However I realised as I remove labels……I am healing old wounds from when I did Gymnastics as a teen….I felt like I had failed when I couldn’t keep up with my training. Previously running 13km before work in the office was never a problem…however turning up to school shattered was just asking for trouble……I just did the 5km instead of the half….and felt like a failure..like I had let excuses stop me from reaching a goal…the same way you do when you see others lose weight on a program when you don’t!!! Time goes on….I still exercise, go to yoga, boxing etc…but do not run…all the while thinking all of my reasons are simply excuses…feeling like a failure…..bringing up old memories from my own training days……disappointment from coaches – so much potential blah blah!!!…..Seeing my amazing exercise friends became bitter sweet – I was soooo happy for them 🙂  but felt a bit…oh dear that could be you……..I would question myself…why is this not you?

I realise now that I have not failed anything…I peel back another label I have given myself or rather many others have given me….’perfectionism’ Teaching has grounded me in a way that I cannot explain – there is no BULLSHIT….I can’t even bullshit myself anymore…I don’t have the energy…or the need! I sucked it up and went to run club yesterday…it was hard…as I was not where I use to be…BUT im not the same person anyway and Im thankful for it! I ask my student to try and achieve their best…..during the past 6months I have given my best!!! There is nothing more I could have done! I have made sure that I eat and exercise to keep my body healthy..and whilst it didn’t involve running I am happy that my clothes still fit….years ago this would not be the case!

 

I’ve started running after school with a few other teachers and we do Emazon’s boxing cd workout…….I am enjoying running again the bs pressure I was putting on myself to get my pace up with others and run further has gone! I thought that’s what I wanted when I joined…as I use to love this when I did acro…turns out I don’t…..I just want to run as I love the wind in my hair…the feeling of putting one foot in front of the other!!! I dont care about the number I never have……so what my Garmin says my heart rate is 230…pretty sure id be on the floor if It was!!!!

So as things make a full circle……..I am healing…I am letting go…….As I see my students become confident and smile my heart warms up!!!! I have never LOVED and HATED something so much in my life…teaching that is!

All of the hard work I have put into this year is starting to show signs of rewards!!!…when  a student who was withdrawn and from a worn torn Africa now smiles…and feels that he is worth something….. I cannot stop smiling!!! Feeling that all those nights crying….all of those days feeling lost, confused…questioning whether I have made the right decision to become a teacher….have all been confirmed…I made the right decision…for the first time in my adult life…I feel like ME…the REAL ME!!!!! I love how kids are honest no bs…I love when my boys say to me miss…dont wear that you look old! haha and when they say Miss oh please can we play sport you know you want to!

 

Teaching has put so many things into perspective!!!

 

Thank you so much Emma….

In April – you helped me leave a toxic blue world…and you were right passion= protection. My girls have all found me and I am still in touch with them……..

June – You helped me to understand that the past is the past….and that the way I do things does not means others are doing it wrong….that I can now show others that my way is just what works for me!

August – I have changed my goal – of Walking across the stage at graduation in the Healthy Weight Range……(90days to go) to

Walking across the stage at graduation – feeling centred, free and together happier than ever to be representing ME!!!

These are all words that have come to me at the end of your sessions! Pure, simple and true!

My accreditation date is the day before my graduation! In 12weeks it will all be official a teacher with the certificate and all!!!!!!

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I am not going to let some weight range spoil my day…plus who knows what I weight I don’t give a F*ck! Someone the other day asked if I had lost weight and I was looking really fit…I replied oh thanks I feel fit 🙂  They ask sooo how much? I just replied ‘ I don’t need  a number to tell my body it is healthy! Oh what size are you? Oh vairous really! I have a pair of 12,14 and 16 pants that fit like a glove…I buy clothes that I love and fit 🙂

IMG_5764IMG_5773 This is the first pic I have taken not using the reflection of the mirror….I now feel apart of vision mirror! 100% and proud of the woman who stands in front of it!!!!!!! I no longer look at the words and wish that was me…I am those words….my actions are truly representing what and who I am 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am looking forward to another red hit next weekend at element training with hubby 🙂  and cannot wait until the stand convention!

I made my hubby a man cave! I love how much he loves it! It was my way of giving a piece of our house that I have overtaken lol…….This in itself…has healed an old wound inflected from another male…..why on earth should my amazing husband be punished because of some Dick I dated way back……. We have both opened up since our boxing training together!!!!!! We have committed to training together during the week! We our embarking on a improving our lives together………TOGETHER!

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Thank you so much <3….Hope you like the colour scheme!!!

Kyleanne

Toing and froing……for the past 7 years I have been toing and froing between two points!

One around – 84ish kg clothes become too tight, house is usually a mess and more than likely im a stress head!

The other point – around 79ish kg – clothes become loose, house is usually organised and im kinda relaxed……

The first point – I usually get there when some stressfull event in my life happens…I eat out of control, stop going to the gym…..I get to that 84kgish mark ( I dont even need to weigh as I can just tell!) and I think OH NO WAY ARE WE GOING IN THIS DIRECTION! snap out of it…..get oragnised, clean the house, diet go back to the gym….

THEN I get to the later point – get to 79ish kg, clothes feel great, if anything a little too loose, house starts to go back to normal and I feel ok….UNTIL something happens in my life and BAM toing and froing again!

I have been spending alot of time reading blogs about simple living the past two months this one is my fav

http://www.slowyourhome.com/2013-in-2013/

These past two months have been crazy, school is nuts, naplan then lame report writing…..ate my weight in chocolate…..

THe thing is, I know that shit is always going to happen! THere is always going to be some event that is stressful or puts extra pressure on me….after reading several blogs I realised that simplifying my life would really help! Hubby has been quite happy with this decision! I have been slowing but surely getting rid of stuff….letting go of my unfinished business!!!!

So for the first time im not going to focus on trying to lose weight, trying so hard just to get back to what I was 8 years ago

( In the past Ive said that im not focusing on weight loss…but really deep down I was ) …..

I have shifted my focus to having a simplier life! I have been following a  challenge 2013 in 2013. You aim to throw out 2013! I have several bags around my house marked, sell, donate, recycle and rubbish. I have been working bit by bit……I am in no rush to magically start with a clean slate! The way I use to approach things! I have accepted that its going to take a while but at least its happening!

I already feel lighter………

It was really hard at first, Id hold onto things and think oh ive kept it this long, im trying really hard to follow the principles of ‘Do I love it, Do I need it, is it beautiful do I need this?’. It is getting easier. Im also NOT bringing new stuff into the house!!!!! I was in Target today and there was AWESOME sales…but I thought I dont need this?????…so I didnt buy anything and saved HEAPS of money lol…..I did however buy some 2xu compression pants….but genuinely needed those for running.

I am trying to simplify my food menu…..with both of us working full time, its all too easy to get take away. We dont even really enjoy it! I would rather save our money and go out for a nice dinner!

Hubby and I have finally found a solution we will trail it this week!!!!

Monday – I cook

Tuesday – Frozen dinner ( not a box one, homemade and frozen)

Wednesday – Hubby cooks dinner

Thursday – Frozen dinner (not a box one, homemade and frozen)

Friday – Dinner at my parents

Weekend – We both cook 🙂

I LOVE exercise…Im so sad that I havnt done any recently. I have done a little at school running around in sport though!

I love going to the gym in the morning but getting up at 5.30am sux……it wasnt a problem when I worked in the office…but now im a teacher I dont want to waste energy…So ive simply changed the time! I get up at 6.30am and get to the gym 7am! My gym is 5mins away from school. This is great as Id get stuck in traffic on the m4 so it makes sense to leave my house early!

I have been struggling with my running. I have changed my running goals so that are realistic to my current job situation!Ive kinda started a little workout group at school. I am going to run after school, around my school. This way when I get home EXERCISE is all done!! I miss my exercise friends 😦 It was so great meeting up with the girls to run!……..The other teachers on my grade work out on Monday and Wednesday.

On the weekends I will go to run club. On the weekends I dont have run club. Hubby and I are going to do a lsr somewhere nice and have breaky together! I dont even remember the last time we spent time together!!!!

So after 5months of trying to find a routine….ive stopped trying to force it! Rather then over complicating things with elaborate meal plans, exercise plans, schedules……I have just simplified things!

I ran 800m with my year 5kids yesterday! I loved it!!! It was honestly the first time since I starting teaching this year that I enjoyed running! I have done so many fun runs this year and just felt like…meh I have been training….Im so tired……blah blah blah…..BUT yesterday I remembered why I even began running, why I joined run club! I love the feeling of wind blowing in my hair….I love the feeling of finishing something! I love the simplicity of putting one foot in front of the other…the way your mind starts of racing through one million things…yet at the end you are calm and have a clear mind!!!

I have also been working on SINGLE TASKING! Its been working really well at school! There is ALWAYS too much to do!!! BUT sometimes my efforts to juggle it all…I end up dropping everything…..I have been prioritising and just focusing on one thing at a time!

I absolutely LOVE teaching…it is the hardest, most challenging, time consuming thing I have ever done!!! yet I still love it! There have been SOOO many tears, sleepless nights….BUT I feel like I am getting into the groove! I have had my own class now for 7weeks. First term at 3.30pm I was SOOO exhausted I had to go home….where as now I can stay back for a bit and organise and mark…….

In two weeks we are going on a 7 day cruise! WOOHOO I plan on relaxing! Its all too easy in this crazy rat race to forget how important relaxing adn recharging is! But even if you win the rat race…your still a rat!

My currents goals:

Run the 5km lap the lake in a 1/2 top feeling proud and confident! 5th Oct

Walk across the stage at graduation in HWR ( 7yr long goal!) 26th Oct

I am very excited to be going to Emazon convention – AFTER lap the lake……I have 16weeks until this goal…….I feel like I have kept my shit together…I got through reports…almost through 2 terms of school…….I have found some energy ( who knows where it came from!) to finish my goals…..heal old wounds………..

Keep

It
Simple

SUPERSTAR!! ahah as well im not stupid!

One step at a time!

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What a phenomenal year I have had so far!!! Ive been aiming to finish uni for the past 6 years….I crossed that finish line On 29th Jan this year I FINSIHED UNI WOOOOHOOOOO! Ever since then I feel like I have been trying to catch my breath…the same way you try to at the end of race!

I have learnt so many things since I started to teach….the most valuable lessons have been about myself!  I have said too many people I feel like Ive woken up from a coma or something…like I was not here these past few months!!! I have had to make some major decisions this past month!

Resigning from coaching one of the hardest! I still don’t think the kids know….and for now im happy they don’t. It is giving me the time I need to refocus on me…….. I will build up the courage to see them in a week or two.

I recently ran the 5km fun run at the Canberra Running festival…after originally planning to run the half marathon and getting through 10weeks of the training….another hard decision had to be made. I pulled out……Between my new career and being sick it was all too much!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn’t really run for the 5 weeks leading up the 5km (maybe a few here and there). It all hit me at the start line that I wasn’t running the ½ anymore…..my usual excited self ( hahah if you have been next to me before a race you know what I mean) was not there…I found myself in deep reflection….as if the past few months was suddenly being played back to me in one of those montages you see in the movies…..The gun went off and I was JUST happy to run J I had forgotten the wonderful feeling of RUNNING! After I caught up to other fellow run clubbers – I stuck with Teresa, who I knew could achieve her time of sub 35mins….I remember the first time I ran with Kathy next to me….’slow down’ and ‘check your cadence’ hahaha I said the same things to Teresa, and she thought the same thing as I did ‘seriously you want me to slow down’ hahahah……It reminded me of the Parkinson Run….when I was also sick and ran with Leanne – who ran nonstop when she also thought she couldn’t…….. Gee maybe this pattern of me being sick at the fun runs is a SIGN! Aka stop waiting for the MAC TRUCK!

Running next to Teresa I remembered what it was like when I thought I couldn’t do the 5km in one go……I often have these moments with my exercise friends…..where I see myself and KNOW they can…as I DID…..Teresa and I have had this same moment with our budgie mirror…that’s another story though lol……As we approached the finish line I kept saying ‘wait’ and ‘not yet’ as I wanted to wait until we got to the cheer squad before we SPRINTED off!’ As we passed them we took off and it was as if their cheering made us run faster! I LOVE the sprint to the end, it’s my favourite part of the race! As we finished I helped Teresa Catch her breath……it was then that it hit me……At the end of the race we stop, catch our breath and recover…enjoy the glory of the moment! As we frantically talk about our time, pace………….. and HOW amazing it is to reach a goal!

Teresa YOU have no idea how much running with you has helped ME! ( even though the whole time she felt that she was holding me back! She was actually doing the opposite!)…..After an AWESOME run my emotions started to POUR out……literally! Haha Teresa and Carla…what happens in CANBERRA stays in CANBERRA haha after girlie chats and tears we decided that we are all nuts…..I love that all of my exercise friends get to share a bag with me…that is the “mixed bag of nuts’’ haha. I can talk under water BUT for the most part I find it hard to deal with my true emotions….there are many things I’m learning how to let go of….Canberra really helped this process!!

Watching so many fellow run clubbers finish the 1/2 marathon and full marathon was so exciting and emotional!!!! I felt the pain of Carla as she hobbled past and I was very thankful to that person who stopped to help her! I recalled the run for fun when I got a cramp and recalled how seeing NARELLE brightened my spirit and without her I would NOT have crossed the finish line!!! I LOVE how she high fived her gorgeous daugther before she crossed the finish line and accomplished her goal! I loved how Princess Kathy ran past…WITH her HAIR still looking AMAZING! Without Kathy inspirational 3 hour chat in the coffee club…not sure if I would have started runnin!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that MICHELLE, TERESA and LEANNE are anow RUNNERS! I do recall many saying ‘They couldnt run OR would NEVER do a FUN RUN 😉 !’ I love that Sharon and Carol just go FOR it they DO NOT let ANYTHING get in there way!!!!!!!! As I waited for Leonie to cross I felt myself running off in search for her…..I found her along the race track with the AWESOME support of RUN Club members and our awesome physio Rach! As I walked along side her in my (well Teresas) Green TutU….I remembered the first time I met Leonie…at the Bay Run and just seeing how far she had come….I couldnt help but cry tears of joy….although at the time she thought she wasnt going to finish there was NO WAY those surrounding her BELIEVED that! I stepped off to the side just before the finish line…tears of joy running down my face as SHE DID IT!!!run club tutu

I have always imagined goals in this way the same way you run in a race!…set it accomplish move on….I crossed the finish line for uni and instead of recovering and catching my breath….I started sprinting again……

While many goals have start and finish there are many which do not….They are more like a continual goal….kind of like a game, after you finish one level you go up to the next level. You use the knowledge gained through experience from the last level and try not to make the same mistakes! Mistakes are for learning and ARE proof you’re trying!!

My AWESOME running coach KAZ told me im not allowed run in the SMH which as a fellow coach completely agree!! I was still very sad though!  I haven’t been training and really my health is no state for me to be pushing myself!! THIS WAS ANOTHER MAJOR WAKE UP CALL!!!!!!!!!!

I remember my discussion after the Canberra 5km with Teresa I said:

‘ It’s hard to hold back in the beginning of the race with all of the excitement and adrenalin but you have to run at a pace you can keep up with,  as even if you slow down after running too fast in the beginning it will be hard to catch your breath again’.

Whilst I may apply this strategy to my running, I need to apply this to my work LIFE! I pushed so hard once I got a few casual days! I’ve had work every day last term of school. STRAIGHT after my exams I handed in my resumes to school and BAM im working! I put in extra hours as a casual which has led to my current block HOWEVER In the excitement of it all I have worn myself out both physically and DEFINITELY mentally!

This next term I’m aiming for CONSISTENCY (which is my fav word in the gym and the classroom). I need to lean to pace myself and not burn out!!! Getting my health in order is my NUMBER ONE priority atm! My blood pressure is back through the roof : ( going back to the doctors tomorrow – as much as I hate the scales losing another 10% of my body weight will help to lower it back down and get me into the HWR! Ive been down this road before and blood pressure tablets are not an option! Eating to fuel my body and exercise will be paramount to helping get my health back in order! Hubby will be joining me with it all to help : ) Now I am not coaching I have 12 extra hours a week and I’m dedicated them to ME and MY health!!!

So I’m aiming for a consistent pace : ) when I’ve built up the strength and stamina ill step it up a notch…BUT for now I’ll listen to my inner voice…the same one that told Teresa… ‘not yet and wait!’ I will know when I’m ready to pick the pace up….but for now it’s time to catch my breath!

I LOVE that THROUGH running I was able to discover and learn….Im SOOO thankful for the AWESOME exercise friends that are in my life you all know who you are xo Whilst many of my AWESOME exercise friends are not part of run club please do NOT feel left out…..Shirely I AM SOO VERY proud of you for coming on Sat and LOVE sitting next to you at CC so much that I will MAKE the person sitting there MOVE even if it is my hubby lol hahah Marion I look up to you SOOO much 🙂 I know its HARD for you NOT to exercise with your INJURY but I want you IN ONE piece!!!

I have a fantastic Training plan for City to Surf which I will be following to the T! I know what and when I need to eat! Lowering my SALT and increasing meditation has already commenced today! When I was 105kg and had high blood pressure It was a massive wake up call! I lost 25kg and it went down…….I need to get this in  back in order NOW while I can!!! I cannot afford to wait for WAKE UP calls when it comes to my health!!

So one step at time!

Success is not some goal or destination to be reached – success is a way of thinking, thus a way of living !

ps: pic is of me accepting that I CANT do it all… : ) That the world will not end if my house is alittle messy OR if I say NO to working for someone…little changes will add up over time 🙂

Woke up with a SMILE and ENERGY!

I feel like I haven’t really communicated with the world for the past 8weeks! Ever since I started teaching I have found all of my energy, thoughts and time has gone into my new career! BUT I feel as though my stamina is building!! J J

I am no longer working in the office every Saturday just once a month to do the bank recs. I am no longer working Mon and Wed at coaching. Just Wednesday nights…Well that doesn’t start till next week!

BUT the reason I know that I am feeling better is YESTERDAY and THIS MORNING I have been cleaning lol…I love things being clean and organised! Hubby is a health inspector so is much the same! He has always said that the state of my scrapbook room is a reflection of my mind haha – THE PAST eight weeks it has been a scattered mess to say the least lol! Its still not clean but I will get that done today!!

I have completed week two of the foxy challenge at Fernwood and Im in the top 10 woohoo J This week I was not able to get as many points as last week but I know at times I can only do what I can do! Im going for CONSISTENTLY CLEAN 10weeks J

I have a block for 8weeks 🙂 and TWO weeks holidays! Sooooo I KNOW WHAT IM DOING….I can plan !!!! woohoo! I have always known my weakness! Its consistency! One week great the next week not so great! Im aiming for my thoughts, diet, exercise, house and classroom to be consistently clean!

I have my own classroom for 6 weeks (year 5) 🙂 then a new teacher will come to take over – Im spending all day today getting organised, making charts, desk labels and all things to organise my teaching life YAY! Their old teacher has decided to go off class due to personal reason.

I feel that I need to start living my life the way I want too :)I did not spend all that time studying uni to just work all week as a teacher, then coach gymnastics at night and do accounts on Saturdays! I need to spend time with hubby who I will quote ‘Ive been waiting 7 years to spend time with you as you have always been so busy’ OMG broke my heart when he told me this….but it is true!

I miss my exercise friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a scrapbook room in which I have used like 4 times lol….I have so many things around my house Id love to finish!

This next 10 weeks CONSISTANLY CLEAN is a kick-start to the rest of my new EVEN MORE AWESOME life!!

OH OH OH I have FINALLY FOUND MY GARMIN! Thank goodness!

So here is to finished what I started in 2010 when I first joined Fernwood at 105kg – Im aiming for HEALTHY WEIGHT RANGE : )haha the chick who weighs me was like ‘um how will you know how you are doing if you don’t know the number!’ Ill just know! I don’t need the number to know J But at the end of the day I need to the number to achieve my ultimate goal that will take place in October

WALKING ACROSS THE STAGE AT GRADUATION IN HWR! ( a 6yr long goal!)

I can feel when I run I could lose a few extra kilos – I can feel it when I do sit ups! I know what will get me over the finish line….CONSISTENTLY CLEAN! The final missing piece to my ‘weightloss journey’

Well im off to the gym 🙂 My other Boyfriend!

The week that was!

WOWZERS what an amazing week!

I had my last uni exam EVER – on Tuesday WOHOOO ive finished uni J J omg….its starting to sink in!!!!!

I ran in the ‘sun run’ but really was the ‘rain run’ lol..had a ball with my exercise friends….shame we didn’t get to hit the beach!

So there are 70days until the Canberra Half Marathon…and with about 10weeks to go! Its time to get really serious!!

CONSISTENCY is the key!

This afternoon ive veged out on the lounge…had a massive desire to eat cookies….mentioned it to Mark and tadar! They magically appeared! Ate 3 felt sick…they weren’t that good…turns out all I really wanted was a cup of tea! Made me realise that my old fav foods…are no longer my favs at all! With all my tummy problems im having…..cookies will CERTAINLY not help!…..

But im owning it and shutting up about it!…..following the:

Don’t mope around for foods you HOPE you wont eat….and either eat it and shut up or don’t eat it…but either way SHUT UP! Lol…….

So after today it will be 69days until Canberra – also one of my fav numbers lol 😉 haha sorry had to throw it in there hope I made you SMILE!

Im AIMING for… CONSISTENT clean eating! CONSISTENT planned training! To keep me accountable im going to post on my blog what I eat! BORING to you….keeps me accountable for me! Im also making the FIRST day of my week a Sunday! Lol NOT Monday lol…… Going to put up my exercise plan for the week and report back daily!

Well im off to BLUDGE!!!!! Have a bath and early to bed!

Tomorrow I plan on cleaning out my lame uni stuff and tying up loose ends!

Love the motivation and confidence that magically appears after a fun run….but I know I have to keep momentum going!

Stumbling at the finish line!

I love how much I learn when I teach – I love the song in Tarzan son of man –

In learning you will teach
And in teaching you will learn
You’ll find your place beside the
ones you love
Oh, and all the things you dreamed of
The visions that you saw
Well, the time is drawing near now
It’s yours to claim it all

So here I am ABOUT to cross the finish line and instead of sprinting and letting ANYTHING or NOONE get in my way….im freaking out!

Last night at coaching – One of my gymnasts was FREAKING out with her tumbling…now doing a few back flips is no easy task…this gymnast has

a)   Completed all of her conditioning work and is FIT AND STRONG

b)   Completed all the drills required – has great technique

c)    IS quite capable of performing the pass by herself

d)   Has myself to spot her, another coach and a crash mat….

She would got through EVERYTHING until it came until the finish….and right when she needed to perform she would pull out! She said ‘my mind is playing games and Im fighting with myself’

IMMEDIATELY I knew how she felt – its how I feel right now.

She had great technique and form! BUT as soon as she had to do the skill she changed it!

I told her take a deep breathe – imagine herself doing the skill…and LET GO…as in trust that she could do it..and trust that if she DIDN’T do it I would catch her….

Not long later she did the skill and was a very happy camper…and I was a very proud coach….

So what has this got to do with me?

Well this morning I had arranged to meet up with Teresa and Leanne – now im not one to shy away from exercise…infact I LOVE IT! But this morning when my alarm went off – I was like MEH I need sleep and hit snooze…but actually turned it off….then an hour late get a msg from the girls asking where I was – I feel so bad that I didn’t go. I HATE saying ill do something and not doing it….

As I made my smoothie for breaky – a delivery came some books I order from amazon a few recipe books for juicing and another one of Jason vales books…..it got me thinking why I had changed my form and technique!

A)     Ive been going to the physio to work on running technique and fix old injuires

B)     Ive been jucing to keep my tummy regular and get some more vegies in me

C)     I exercise and follow my plan

D)     Ive only got a bloody week left of uni um hello

I realised that I too am FREAKING OUT about accomplishing my goals and CROSSING THE FINISH LINE

 

Silly I know….I still have to study mind you….but I need to JFDI!

In a week I will be finished my degree – working casually as a teacher trying to get a job…ill be leaving my job as a pa ive had for 10years….im training to run a ½ marathon and im almost in the HWR…..

So I have to continue performing with the right technique! I have to trust and let go of the lame talk that’s happening in my head….and really I not only have a running coach now….I have exercise friends that if I do fall and feel I cant get back up…well they will be there to help back up!

I think the pressure, excitement has all become so overwhelming…

Leaving my job ive worked so hard to work my way up the ladder and I can do standing on my head….will make room for me being a teacher – it will not only be challenging but different…..

But its what Ive craved my whole working life! So rather than being scared of crossing the finish and thinking it’s the end….I realise its not the end…just the start of a new chapter….

Its funny how the mind games you play in your mind can change the way you would normally do things….the positive thing is these days I pick up on it a lot quicker….so really missing one training will not do a lot of damage – ive picked myself back up…..dusted off the dirt

And Ive already started THE SPRINT!!! Ive done sooo much work today at work that im leaving early to go home and STUDY for my last ever uni exam!

This time next week I will be walking out of the exam room – smiling and probably doing backflips ill be that happy! So here is to the NEXT week! Staying focused and just smashing it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Standing my ground – keeping shit OUT of my bubble…

And above all KEEPING MY SHIT TOGETHER…I know what I have to do…and im NOT LETTING ANYTHING GET IN MY WAY!

Things always look better in the morning!!!

What an emotional roller coaster this week has been – with the finale of emotions exploding yesterday afternoon – but that explosion led to a great talk which highlighted the many assumptions that had been eroding my marriage silently like termites!

Wont go into the details but lets just say for the first time in a few months I feel relaxed and ready to get on with my day! I have 22days left of uni OMFG!!!!!!! 22days I didn’t even realise it was that close!!!

I missed my first run club yesterday : ( booo…..but I had to prioritise what is important in life….and sometimes with my hubby being of the quiet type I don’t realise that I haven’t been home all that much. My coaching has gone from 3 hours to 9 I didn’t even realise……ive been running in the nights as ive been sleeping in…..we both just sit on the lounge like sloths at night…..so!

Its back to running in the morning!

No tv until 8pm weeknights!

Tues and Thurs we will train together!

I started my juice fast today! Its for a week – lets just say there is a traffic jam in my stomach and im ready for it be gone! Im so bloating, sluggish and ive gained weight – my clothes don’t fit :0 Im going to take a pic everyday this week to see the progress so to speak! This juice fast ensures I get all of my essential fats, proteins, carbs…and I can still exercise on it….its a kick start to get things back to normal! When you change the oil in your car you first take out the crap oil…and that’s exactly what I need to do!!!!!!!!! They say your stomach is your 2nd brain and well its foggy as winters morning in the blue mountains…im not thinking clearly….acting clearly and im so emotional at the moment that I just have to drop a fork and im crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time to refocus! Silly season has gone – 22days left of uni! My goal is to lose the 2kg Ive gained over Christmas in this 22days! I cant not wear my cute new clothes I got for Christmas!!!!! Sometimes you have to breakdown to have a breakthrough…..but sometimes you just have to let things be accept that you CANT fix EVERYTHING or DO EVERYTHING….there is no point juggling 20balls….if you drop them all….so Im getting rid of a few balls so I can juggle all of the important things in my life!! Spending time with family and friends is so important to me and whilst I HATE the term ‘quality time’ I can see where it originated from……just because you are ‘sitting’ next to the person watching tv doesn’t mean its time well spent!!!!

I feel super unfit atm! Training has been minimal this past few weeks but I know my body will get back into the swing of it! One step at a time – even if I win the rat race im still a rat…..so really I need to stop going full ball – slow down and enjoy life……I went crayoning with my sister last Friday and I love it…..it was so nice to be amongst nature and the guide said – don’t just look at your feet, you know you can still fall over if you look where you are going, stop being so stressed about putting a foot wrong, look around and absorb the beautiful surroundings, that will bring you peace and balance, stop looking for balance that’s something you have to feel not see….these words have been echoing in my mind ever since Friday……..we put so much pressure on NOT doing the wrong things…..EATING the right things…..EXERCISE…..LOSING….MAINTAIN…..stressing about getting it :WRONG: but this is how we learn like I say to my gymnasts ‘mistakes are for learning’ so rather than beating myself up for gaining….for letting things slip….for falling over so to speak – im going to focus on how im going to get back on my two feet – and learn from this fall so that I don’t fall over in this spot again…..

I have the tools, knowledge and I believe I can do and get what I want out of life…..this morning its starts in the library and finishing my degree – cos boy oh boy once that unfinished business is done – well I can ONLY imagine how free I will be!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frustration – But the volcano of emotions has exploded!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

‘Its not just what your eating….its whats eating you!’

Last night one of my gymnast I use to coach broke their arm : ( it was  a pretty bad break – she was on the tramp with another coach – I immediately rushed to be at her side as ive coached for 7years and we are quite close….the ambos took 25mins!!! It was terrible she was so brave….afterwards I was quite shaken and became very emotional…..

This morning when I woke up I felt terrible…didn’t sleep very well last night…but my sister is here from usa so she dragged my butt to the gym! When I was running I realised how FRUSTRATED I am at the moment! Ive been sweeping a lot of things under the rug due to this that and the other…..my eating this past two weeks has been out of control – NOT because of xmas etc….its been while ive been ALONE>….and HELLS NO AND I GOING DOWN THAT PATH AGAIN>>>>>>>>>where I eat healthy with others and then pig out in secret…..I tried to pin point why this has started there a few issues at at the moment….very frustrated with hubby at the moment…and when I try to discuss the issues..I get the im sick…which yes he has been sick but REALLY? How long can things be swept under the rug for…..the usual frustrations of uni….BUT hello ive only got 2 assignments and 1 exam I know ive got this…..Im not the type to be able to come out with emotions that easily…although I have improved…..its like I don’t even realise I have a problem – until I EXPLODE!!!!

I feel ive just let things build up WITHOUT dealing with them…..a combination of overeating, not really exercising, no yoga, sweeping emotions under the carpet has just built up into one giant volcano eruption of emotions…the broken arm incident set off the explosion…and right now im very thankful for it…..

I don’t weigh myself weekly anymore…became way to obsessed…and ive maintained my weight around 79-82kg this past year successfully…..Im still aiming to get to 74kg and be HWR!!! I walked past the scale at the gym and my sister was like dam Ive gained 3kg! She is a soccer player in the usa and is a stick! And trains like a crazy person…..so she will lose that pretty quick…I thought to myself…mmmlast time I weight myself was Dec sometime and I was 82kg….I said to my sis.I feel like im 84kg…and BAM I was 84.1kg! I can feel my boob rest…..my tummy feels like a tyre when I run and overall I just don’t have the energy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about wake up call!!!!!

Ive just had a shower put on ‘Hungry for change’ blogging it out!!! Going to get the house clean as that’s another frustration…..then going to the library to finish my assignment another frustration will go! And Going to eat REAL FOOD!!!!!!!!!! The kind that is green, has vitamins and minerals in them!!! NO MORE eating in secret…sure it was just for two weeks but I refuse to go back to where I was a few years ago!

Im training for my 1st ½ marathon in April…I need to eat and think like an athlete!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhh…that’s better! Sorry for the rant but needed to get that out! Now I feel like I can get on with it!!!!!! back to just keep swimming Me thinks

“To conquer frustration, one must remain intensely focused on the outcome, not the obstacles.”

You will never find time for anything, If you want time you must make it!!!

Where does the time go? Probably where my other sock is! Today I didn’t go to a family lunch – starting to feel a little sick and just needed the day to do nothing! I felt a little bad not going but im seeing them all 2morro for new years anyway! Spent the whole day watching dvds and napping! Was amazing!

Got me thinking about time! How it goes by so fast! How we never seem to have enough of it! Hubby has gained a few kilos…and is starting to look on the chubby side…and when my mil said something it started to sink in for him…by no means is he fat but he will be on his way if he continues…..Since im back at work full time it feels like I never see him! I still exercise with my exercise friends but hubby stays home on the lounge…..

I thought about how we don’t seem to spend time together….but really we do…..its just on the lounge being a vegetable! We eat dinner at 5.30pm/6ish and then sit in front of the tv until bed at around 10ish…..I coach two nights a week….so we spend on average 25hrs together…on the lounge…watching lame tv!!! Ive always been out on weeknights my whole life…be it at training or at coaching….I cut back my coaching to see hubby at his request….to what watch tv??!?!?!??!  So Ive made a new house rule for weeknights! – NO tv until 8pm – if there is show on b4 that it can be taped!! This way we can exercise/talk/spend time together! That way at worst we will watch 2hrs of tv a night which is 10hrs just on weeknights!!! Ive also made a no alcohol on weeknights rule! That way it can be enjoyed on the weekend!!! Haha Think ill make a household rule list…how teacher of me lol…..

Ive also asked him if he will be my boxing partner once a week! I LOVE boxing but HATE it at the gym as I always end up injured as the other person doesn’t know what they are doing…not that I don’t mind helping others…its just im not prepared to get injured anymore! I love schedules and plans and being organised! BUT its so hard to balance it all….Relationships/work/coaching/leading a healthy lifestyle/training goals! Its important that I DON’T waste time with toxic people or spending it like a zombie in front of the tv or wasting time on facebook!

Goals for the next 4months! BRING On 2013

Relationship – Spend time with Hubby! Exercise together on weeknights and explore fun things to do on the weekends!! Spend time with REAL friends….kindly decline to toxic invitations!

Work – Finish UNI!!! Get casual work!!!!

Healthy Lifestyle – GET REGULAR AGAIN!!! Consistently eat nutritious foods !!!! NO TV until 8pm!

Training – Run my 1st ½ marathon! 14th April

ACHIEVE my ultimate goal that I have had in place since 2004 –

WALK ACROSS THE STAGE AT GRADUATION IN HWR – 6TH April

My exercise plan for January! With sat and sun interchanging depending on what day run club is!!! And km will go up as I progress into the ½ training!

Monday – Weights and stretching

Tuesday – 7km Fast run

Wednesday  – Gymnastics for Adults (toning using own body weight)

Thursday – 5km easy run + Boxing with hubby

Friday – 9km Long Slow Run

Saturday – Run Club

Sunday – Body Balance and Rest day

Just trying to fit all the above in was an effort! With the extra time gained back from screen time will be able to accomplish : ) Also having the bonus of a running coach will also ensure I don’t let ‘life interfere’ with my training goals!

I am doing a juice fast to help reboot my body!!! I havnt really had any regular movements if you know what I mean…due to all this Christmas food! I need to get things moving again as I feel like crap!!!! Ive done a few fast before and they have really helped! Plus I will still get the right about of protein, carbs and fats! Prob more than when I eat! Not to mention all those vitamins and minerals that will get absorbed! All the Christmas treats have been removed OUT of the HOUSE! Shopping 2morro to refill the house with NUTRITIOUS Foods !!

 

“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” – Michael Altshuler